And I’m wondering what you’ll do.
Will there be a celebration … And a Cake to honor you?
Are your kitchen friends all busy… Breaking eggs and sifting flour?
Is a Band or Choir Practicing? … As it gets closer to the hour?
Is there ice cream made from snowflakes … And some candy, made from clouds?
Will it just be you and Andrew,… Or will it be with with happy crowds?
I guess I won’t be there to hug you… Or to count and pull your ears,
And I’m sure I’ll feel some lonely… As I shed some Birthday tears,
But I know your 23rd Birthday,
Will be your ‘best one ever’!
Just remember, I still love you –
On your Birthday, and Forever!!
I know you're not my biggest fan. (In fact sometimes I get the feeling that if you could do more to hurt me, you would...and
I'm sorry you feel this way. Not for me, but for you)
I am hoping every day that this is not true. You just do NOT know me...and with your bitterness, maybe you never will. It takes TRUE courage, to understand others and their ways. I thought this was you?
You see Jordan, I choose to remember you the way you used to be, kind Jordan, helpful Jordan, tender hearted Jordan, smart Jordan, and of course the humble Jordan, someone who went out of his way to make others feel accepted and loved.
I am praying Jordan that someday you will 'understand' just a small part of my life, and then I am hoping this will teach you 'greater understanding'. Understanding of WHY people make certain choices. ... choices that maybe you personally don't like.
You see Jordan, I don't "need" your LOVE. I would appreciate and be receptive to your love but it is your RESPECT that a parent is after. NOT for themselves but for YOU Jordan. So that YOUR life will be of great success and 'happiness'.. I mean TRUE happiness. (not the simple award you win for doing something in this world) ...God is my supplier of Love and it is HE who I am interested fearing losing 'his' love.
Maybe someday you will understand this...
Yes, Jordan, I am no fool, however I choose to push away my extreme disappointment and concern for you, and only focus on the 'Real You'. The Real Jordan.
The one YOU choose to ignore.
I know you perhaps better than you know yourself, and I think this makes you VERY angry, and I am sorry.
However, the Jordan I gave birth to always was quick to Temper, and then quick to Forgive. An amazing gift indeed.
At first this 'frightened' me, when I saw this trait in you. I felt you had No control. However, as time went by in life, I began to understand the amazing gift you carried. For as quickly as you became enraged or angry at others, or myself, or your family, it was and it is this same force which brought you or brings you to quick Forgiveness!
I was amazed at your ability to do this!
A sign of a mature being no doubt!
With the Bitter, comes the Sweet...YOU taught me this.
Please, if you would ever like, I would be happy to know someday, when you are are done filling your heart with Hate for me, if someday you would ever like to let me know. Just saying...
Not for my happiness, but for the sake of yours!
You will never be 'a Mother', so sadly you will never know the DEPTH (eternity) of which my love is for you...and how Eternal (deep) it is. *For Eternal is NOT a timeline of travel sideways, but of deepth.
For this, I am truly sorry.
Hopefully 'Forgiveness' will someday give you a small glimpse
of it anyway.
This I pray for you always, Jordan.
Happy Birthday, on this Sunday. Say Hi to Andrew for me.
Please don't share this message with anyone. It is only for you.
Love, forever Mom