As I was beginning to write this post today, I decided to look back at my previous Posts I’ve written over the years and I read a few. Wow, I really notice a big change in who I am over the years and how much I have changed or “let go” of so much bitterness from my old perspective of being alienated from my children. I realized over the years that I was only hurting myself…dwelling on what I don’t have, instead of being grateful for what I do have.
Through my Faith, Church lessons, Prayer and Godly studies of doing good to all, I have learned to see life through the eyes of others, especially and hopefully from my ex’s point of view and how he must have felt over the years as a man in his position, now that we have been divorced and what he must think of me, what his feelings might be or what I did or didn’t say that could of, or maybe would have made him have more kinder thoughts of me, forgiveness for me.
My perspective over the years has often been of a victim, with great pain and sadness but over time I have begun to let that go and have only hope, love, forgiveness and kindness starting to come in and replace this other stuff….even when others have revenge on their minds.
It has been one of the hardest things to do…to Forgive…truly forgive.
My thoughts also turn towards my children and what they must be going through…all of them…and how they must feel…how they surely must feel that I have let them down in many areas.
I truly only tried my best, all my life. To be the best Mom I knew how. The best wife I knew and know how to be etc. I am sure I must have let them down on many occasions. I only wish I knew then, what I know now. I bet many a parent have felt this way too….
I am so sorry for them, that their father and I could not have worked things out and had provided them with a stable home and life which they deserved…and even if we had not stayed married…my only hope had and still today has been that we could have worked together as friends to provide a stable environment for these awesome sweet 5 boys of ours.
Alas, I did not know many things when I was young and naïve. I really wish that I would have been a wiser young person, in picking a father for my children who would have hopefully worked out to be closer to the same goals that we had both wanted for our children. He and I did have good qualities when we married each other…things that I appreciated in him and thought were of great value…but I did not know the future and what I know now, and I was only working on what I knew was best, at the time.
Wow, our goals turned out to be so different and I only wish for the sake of my children, that they had stayed the same, for their sake. Awe but that is growth indeed and grow we must…and I hope my children will be understanding of this principle when they are older and wiser and more knowledgeable of this gift.
I don’t know what Gods plans are for me in the future, or for them, but I hope someday it will include somehow, someway a chance for us to be a force of good in each others lives….even if it is in some small way.
Now, that would be my sweetest dream.
Yes, I will always love them so much….
As I am trying to be the best Mother I can be, by example, with Heavenly Fathers help, I would hope with my whole heart my childrens father would meet me halfway in this endeavor. In turn as their mother I want to “respect their father” as a “righteous father” he is being to them.
Indeed, one of the greatest things a mother can do for her children is to respect their father.
Of course there should only be “righteous dominion” coming from my children’s father, which in turn respects our Heavenly Father.
When you stop and think about how important family relationships are, (married or not) of course it would make sense that as a Godly woman, my goal would be to “pray for” and desire that all my family relationships (including the one between Bernd and myself) would be one that encourages harmony between us.
“Yes, Respect, Prayer, Love, Going to Church, Scripture Study, etc. MIGHT BE CONSIDERED BY A LOT OF PEOPLE as impractical, boring, or “not hip” etc. … but when you stop and think about it from a healthy point of view, encouraging family unity would make better sense.
Creating a happy, productive, stable, loving home (even for those separated by distance) would only enhance the effectiveness of the individuals in the family…and the sanctity of the home and the family relationships.
Belonging to a large loving family can only add to the stability of an individual.
I have always believed that the teachings of my church promote that family unity and I have always wanted that for all my family.
This is WHY it is so important for all of us to co-operate, mediate, respect and honor our duties to God and Family.
I so wish I had known this when I was young.
But this doesn’t mean that we can NOT be this way now!!
Now that I am re-married, my greatest goal is to respect my husband and his feelings as the head of house. This is why as his loving wife; I have promised that all my dealings with my current ex-husband will be left between the two of them, as men of negotiations and respect for each other. This is how I respect not only my husband… but I feel towards my ex-husband as well.
I hope my children will someday realize that this is the greatest gift I could have given them in life…is to show them when divorce happens, we have the obligation to forgive rather than to condemn, to lift and to help.
Good night…Sweet dreams!