So much happened in 2011 but the most important event was that fact that I was blessed to receive full custody of my son Alexander by a Superior Court Judge, and of course that I got to see (physically) two of my precious sons, Jacob and Andrew. Also, that I got to see photos my son Jordan on the Internet and found out where he was all this time and today. Wow, those two things were HUGE for me!!
It may not seem like much for most people, but for me they are miracles in of themselves! I cried tears of happiness and thankfulness, for days after seeing my boys Jacob and Andrew. That day I wanted so much to run to them, hug them, tell them how much I had missed them and loved them, but I knew that their dad Bernd would carry through with his threat to hurt me if I did this, so I kept my distance and just stared at them, and blew imaginary kisses their direction while their dad Bernd made sure these boys heads or eyes were kept looking at the ground and not in my direction. They never saw my gestures of love. It was so frustrating but I was still in MUCH gratitude for the fact they were even just near me!
Then the day I found Jordan's photo and whereabouts on the Internet in an article on Mooseheart Boarding School pages was a miracle and I was deeply happy to have found these! I was so happy that I hurried and posted a video immediately telling him how much I loved and missed him, hoping that he would someday see it. I told him that no one would give me a photo of him for 7 years and this was true. I did find a few of him once in 2007 at Gramps which I was able to download briefly for an old video I was able to put together, but then they disappeared. That was a miracle year JUST for the fact that I found a few photos of my kids, otherwise No One sent me photos of my kids no matter how much I asked, pleaded, prayed for them. Then to my surprise Jordan shortly after wrote an email to Gramps, my Bishop and posted a comment here on my website. This was SO exciting!. Sure he was angry, but just the fact that I read something from him was so thrilling, sad, exciting and humbling!
God told us this year that Jacob and Andrew are to be living with us, due to the fact that God has plans for these boys to learn much from Rudy and I, but their dad is not co-operating. We know that they are happy in their living arrangements as of now, and we are more than compassionate of this and remember what it is like to be in High School ourselves and how it is uncomfortable to be moved out of a routine, but for some reason, God has big plans for these boys that will bring great blessings into their lives. If Bernd, or they, are not grateful for these blessings waiting for them, and they fight against them or chose not to have them, we can not force them to accept happiness. I found this out BIG TIME, when I lived with Bernd and was afraid to be free from his controlling threats, demands, and convincing lie that he was the only one who could make my life livable or free from the pain he would inflict upon me if I was to ever believe in God instead of him.
Some day my children will learn this too. My two oldest are learning this now and are on their own learning to trust in God, instead of their dad and this is a great blessing for me, their mom, to witness. I wish only the Best for all of them!
So, like God has promised me this year, MUCH happiness is coming our way, and this year is going to be even better than last year. With that said....HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and yours!
We love you and wish you the very best that God and Love has to offer you !!