I miss and love you so very very much.
Well, you can't possibly know...since you will never be able to carry a soul or child in your body and at the same time wish with all your heart for his well being and health and safe arrival into this world.
To be a mother and to carry a human being in your body and soul creates a special connection.
One that others, time, hate filled hearts, lies and distance will never be able to erase!
Christian Jacob, my tender child, you may be far away and have terrible thoughts about me...but that does NOT change the fact that I am your loving, good and caring mother. I do understand that if your father has been able to put hate in your heart for me... and made sure you choose to keep me out of your life .....that you have only chosen to make him happy to have accomplished his greatest desire to separate us and make his pain and bitterness spread to those I love.
Try your best to forgive him and move on in life....making your own choices....based on your own experiences....NOT his.
I am the one who brought you into this world.
Cared for your every need for years and years and years....to every detail of your needs, 24 hours a day. . . and only out of pure unselfish love....
and now wishes ONLY for your real success and happiness beyond what any other human being on this planet can or dare boasts to compare to what I hold for you.
I am your biggest FAN on this Earth....let No one get you to believe otherwise.
I will miss you dearly AGAIN this year, as I have for every single 10 birthdays that have gone before this one.
I think of you often. I pray for you often. I dream of you often.
I long to hold you in my arms...to feel your tender sweet spirit next to mine....only to tell you again that those words I spoke often to you as a child...
"I love you"
More than you will ever know.
Have a delightful day and night with many friends and family, celebrating the day I brought you into this world and showed you tender, heartfelt, parental and Godly LOVE.
I am sorry that you will not include me in this special celebration....but just in case some small part of you still has a tender place for me and your other family members who love you, but circumstances just doesn't allow our reunion.... we sent you cards and money this week.
It may not be much ....but it comes to you with good wishes and from "our hearts"....and that is what matters most. We hope you got them.
I am soooooo proud of you and who you are becoming as a gentleman full of love for humanity.
Thank God you are well, happy and learning in college.
You are an amazing young man!!!!
I would love♥ love♥ love♥ to be invited to Colorado to visit you ....but unfortunately now due to Jordans extreme hatred and vindictiveness towards me, I do not trust the Hollers and will only wait until I am invited by you to see you....or wait until you come to me....so that we can rebuild 'trust' between us. Don't let your brother and fathers personal 'hatred' and misunderstandings stand in the way of YOUR success ♥
Love forever and ever....
p.s. This picture of the gold sparkling rock is the special rock YOU made for me when you were little. I still have it here at home and took this picture of it today to show you.
Also, here are just some pics of the cards we sent you this week. Hope you got them. oxoxoxox