I thought I was going to have twins...so I went in for a Ultra sound....
and the Dr. told me that I had ONE sick baby boy...and that I would be lucky if he lived during child birth....I was in SHOCK....
I had one month to go still, but the Dr. said that I had gained A LOT of water weight because my baby was under developed and he had tumors in his kidney's and his brain was not fully developed.
AS though he had JUST STOPPED developing after 4-5 months!! Mysteriously.
he told me that I could either be induced to make sure that I didn't keep growing....or
I could wait and deliver natural and hope the the best.
I said I would go home and think (PRAY) about it...
This was back in April of 1994
I went home and cried and cried...
I picked his name after much prayer and some of my concerned friends told me that IF I go in for induction...that this would be the same as abortion. This worried me, of course.
What was I to do?
I prayed and prayed for one week and then GOD stepped in....
one morning (4 weeks before my due date) I woke up to my mucus plug out in the toilet and then soon a few contractions began....
I didn't have to decide...I knew that GOD had told me it was time....I headed to the hospital.
My planned home birth turned into a hospital birth....but the attending Dr. told me that since he knew my Mid-wife personally ...he was going to allow her to help me deliver Michael with her only...and he would be down the hall IF we needed him.
SO COMPASSIONATE !
So, then in the Hospital I had to go thru regular labor and I begged for an epidural but I was too close to birth.
I thought that was super unkind...considering I KNEW I would be going home empty armed...
Anyway....at 1 pm in the afternoon my baby Michael was born today 24 years ago.
As long as the umbilical cord was attached he was alive and moving. The umbilical cord was TOO SHORT though....so the Midwife had to cut it and I got to hold him in my arms while I examined every inch of his precious little tiny body.
He was fighting for his life...but his little lungs could not breath on their own.
My family and close friends were there. One took personal photos which I was super grateful for.
Over the next 10 minutes he slowly began to die...there was nothing to do to save him...and this was HOW good and gracious God was to me...he was not going to make me suffer with watching him prolong the inevitable.
Michael (meaning Who Is Like God) was MEANT to go home to God...and become an ANGEL for his brothers...I know that now.
I FELT him leave! I felt the heavens open and him leave the room...and then I began to cry!!
It wasn't fair...I had carried him for 8 months...I has suffered so.
The Dr. came in and pronounced him dead and wrote up a birth and death cert.
He was so compassionate and kind!
They allowed me to take my precious baby home with me....so that I could call the funeral home on my own, later that day....
When I left the hospital a few hours later...I could hear babies crying ...and I had gratitude in my heart that I was leaving with an ANGEL in my arms. And I knew I had two small children at home waiting for me.
God carried my soul and HEART for the next few days like I was literally in Heaven.
Must have been all the prayers for Michael and me...
He was so tiny...only 4 1/2 pounds.
He had light brown short soft curly hair!!! Just like I had when I was a baby.
All my other boys (all 5) had blonde straight hair...
Michael was different!! This made it hard to say goodbye. I loved his sweet soft swirls on his head.
I took him home that afternoon and climbed into my bed holding him and smelling him....he smelled SOOOO good.
You know how good babies smell !!! ??
I feel asleep for the next few hours.
When I woke up...we called the mortuary and they told us we could drive him in that evening. I made foot and hand prints with him...and cut some of his soft brown curly hair for my baby box I made for him.
My Midwife's husband (a wood worker) made a tiny little Oak coffin (so beautiful) and a friend of mine donated her wedding dress to be used for the liner. It was gorgeous! How kind everyone was! The flowers poured in also.
I had my older boys Austin and Jordan say their good byes to their little brother....and we prayed over him.
Jordan was only 1 1/2 years old....a baby himself. He still needed me a lot at his age.
I was sooo happy to hold Jordan over the next few days.
The funeral was three days later.
We buried him next to a hill where a big beautiful LDS Temple stands. The Manti LDS Temple.
GOD carried my soul through it all.
Surprisingly, I had NO after effects from child birth. I had so much energy and I lost all my baby weight within days....such a miracle!!!
There is so much more to tell about all the details...but that was the basics.
I will post a link....for you to see a few photos....
He has a big Mission watching and protecting his brothers...God is Good
Michael is in the Spirit world around us...sometimes he reminds me that he is near me!
God has carried my soul during this trial....and it is not as hard as some would assume... for this reason. I can not understand the pain that those go through...when God is not involved. It must be MUST more painful and lonely.
Knowing I have him to greet me when I pass from this physical world, is a VERY comforting HOPE and sense of 'Peace'.
Like I said...I have ONE child who will be there in Heaven waiting for me... God is Good.
I didn't take close ups photos, because his little nose was not fully formed...but the rest of him was perfect!!!
Dr. said that the nose doesn't fully develop until later in the pregnancy...I did not know that before this.
I did that, so that others could not see and make fun of his tiny undeveloped nose like I mentioned.
That is why you see the white circle where his face and white blanket is....
I was just SUPER blessed that he came out alive and I got to hold him ...talk to him...and get to say our Goodbyes for a while before he left for his Mission...
before God called him home.
MUCH later now...I understand the whys and what a blessing he has been and is in the Spirit world around us and doing so much GOOD for us and his brothers
Yes, the Alfie story recently on the news, really hit a sore spot in my heart yesterday and today. Didn't realize until later...
It was sad at that time...but Michael is a handsome young warrior now who is around us...but just in a different dimension...
Unfortunately I am no stranger to pain and heartache.
Can hardly wait to hold him again!