He asked us to visit him where he was buried, so we did...photos coming soon.
Michael Aaron Holler's 25th birthday is coming soon!
He asked us to visit him where he was buried, so we did...photos coming soon.
It is called Melancolie. And it is heartbreakingly beautiful.
The artwork created by Albert György (living in Switzerland, but born in Romania) can be found in Geneva in a small park on the promenade (Quai du Mont Blanc) along the shore of Lake Geneva.
Millions (more than 11 million people) have viewed it from Facebook, so we wanted to take a few moments and share more about the sculpture and artist.
György was born in Romania in 1949. He lived in isolation and sadness after his first wife died, so he understands grief. He was given what he calls in reports – a second slope of his life where he is able to enjoy freedom.
The sculptor developed a special alloy of copper and tin which he used for his work.
His work is revered by many and I found this quote about his work – “In its complexity and diversity, the visionary art of Albert György testifies to a personal dialectic between suffering and happiness. Nothing decorative or talkative in this game of creative tension leading to a living alloy, imbued with the purest necessity.”
The incredible, heartbreaking artwork is extremely touching and very emotional. Reading the comments on the Facebook Post are heartbreaking and show the power of love. A mother’s love. A father’s love. Grandparent’s love. Love of siblings, friends and strangers. The thought of losing a child is unimaginable – but for many, it’s all too real and some have written that this sculpture depicts how they feel – an emptiness. John Maddox wrote,
“We may look as if we carry on with our lives as before. We may even have times of joy and happiness. Everything may seem “normal”. But THIS, “Emptiness” is how we all feel…all the time.”
When I was 8 months along...I got too BIG too fast, and my midwife heard two heart beats...I WAS so excited
I thought I was going to have twins...so I went in for a Ultra sound....
and the Dr. told me that I had ONE sick baby boy...and that I would be lucky if he lived during child birth....I was in SHOCK....
I had one month to go still, but the Dr. said that I had gained A LOT of water weight because my baby was under developed and he had tumors in his kidney's and his brain was not fully developed.
AS though he had JUST STOPPED developing after 4-5 months!! Mysteriously.
he told me that I could either be induced to make sure that I didn't keep growing....or
I could wait and deliver natural and hope the the best.
I said I would go home and think (PRAY) about it...
This was back in April of 1994
I went home and cried and cried...
I picked his name after much prayer and some of my concerned friends told me that IF I go in for induction...that this would be the same as abortion. This worried me, of course.
What was I to do?
I prayed and prayed for one week and then GOD stepped in....
one morning (4 weeks before my due date) I woke up to my mucus plug out in the toilet and then soon a few contractions began....
I didn't have to decide...I knew that GOD had told me it was time....I headed to the hospital.
My planned home birth turned into a hospital birth....but the attending Dr. told me that since he knew my Mid-wife personally ...he was going to allow her to help me deliver Michael with her only...and he would be down the hall IF we needed him.
SO COMPASSIONATE !
So, then in the Hospital I had to go thru regular labor and I begged for an epidural but I was too close to birth.
I thought that was super unkind...considering I KNEW I would be going home empty armed...
Anyway....at 1 pm in the afternoon my baby Michael was born today 24 years ago.
As long as the umbilical cord was attached he was alive and moving. The umbilical cord was TOO SHORT though....so the Midwife had to cut it and I got to hold him in my arms while I examined every inch of his precious little tiny body.
He was fighting for his life...but his little lungs could not breath on their own.
My family and close friends were there. One took personal photos which I was super grateful for.
Over the next 10 minutes he slowly began to die...there was nothing to do to save him...and this was HOW good and gracious God was to me...he was not going to make me suffer with watching him prolong the inevitable.
Michael (meaning Who Is Like God) was MEANT to go home to God...and become an ANGEL for his brothers...I know that now.
I FELT him leave! I felt the heavens open and him leave the room...and then I began to cry!!
It wasn't fair...I had carried him for 8 months...I has suffered so.
The Dr. came in and pronounced him dead and wrote up a birth and death cert.
He was so compassionate and kind!
They allowed me to take my precious baby home with me....so that I could call the funeral home on my own, later that day....
When I left the hospital a few hours later...I could hear babies crying ...and I had gratitude in my heart that I was leaving with an ANGEL in my arms. And I knew I had two small children at home waiting for me.
God carried my soul and HEART for the next few days like I was literally in Heaven.
Must have been all the prayers for Michael and me...
He was so tiny...only 4 1/2 pounds.
He had light brown short soft curly hair!!! Just like I had when I was a baby.
All my other boys (all 5) had blonde straight hair...
Michael was different!! This made it hard to say goodbye. I loved his sweet soft swirls on his head.
I took him home that afternoon and climbed into my bed holding him and smelling him....he smelled SOOOO good.
You know how good babies smell !!! ??
I feel asleep for the next few hours.
When I woke up...we called the mortuary and they told us we could drive him in that evening. I made foot and hand prints with him...and cut some of his soft brown curly hair for my baby box I made for him.
My Midwife's husband (a wood worker) made a tiny little Oak coffin (so beautiful) and a friend of mine donated her wedding dress to be used for the liner. It was gorgeous! How kind everyone was! The flowers poured in also.
I had my older boys Austin and Jordan say their good byes to their little brother....and we prayed over him.
Jordan was only 1 1/2 years old....a baby himself. He still needed me a lot at his age.
I was sooo happy to hold Jordan over the next few days.
The funeral was three days later.
We buried him next to a hill where a big beautiful LDS Temple stands. The Manti LDS Temple.
GOD carried my soul through it all.
Surprisingly, I had NO after effects from child birth. I had so much energy and I lost all my baby weight within days....such a miracle!!!
There is so much more to tell about all the details...but that was the basics.
I will post a link....for you to see a few photos....
He has a big Mission watching and protecting his brothers...God is Good
Michael is in the Spirit world around us...sometimes he reminds me that he is near me!
God has carried my soul during this trial....and it is not as hard as some would assume... for this reason. I can not understand the pain that those go through...when God is not involved. It must be MUST more painful and lonely.
Knowing I have him to greet me when I pass from this physical world, is a VERY comforting HOPE and sense of 'Peace'.
Like I said...I have ONE child who will be there in Heaven waiting for me... God is Good.
I didn't take close ups photos, because his little nose was not fully formed...but the rest of him was perfect!!!
Dr. said that the nose doesn't fully develop until later in the pregnancy...I did not know that before this.
I did that, so that others could not see and make fun of his tiny undeveloped nose like I mentioned.
That is why you see the white circle where his face and white blanket is....
I was just SUPER blessed that he came out alive and I got to hold him ...talk to him...and get to say our Goodbyes for a while before he left for his Mission...
before God called him home.
MUCH later now...I understand the whys and what a blessing he has been and is in the Spirit world around us and doing so much GOOD for us and his brothers
Yes, the Alfie story recently on the news, really hit a sore spot in my heart yesterday and today. Didn't realize until later...
It was sad at that time...but Michael is a handsome young warrior now who is around us...but just in a different dimension...
Unfortunately I am no stranger to pain and heartache.
Can hardly wait to hold him again!
Today was a somber day for me. Thoughts and prayers for those who have sacrificed so much for my freedom. Also, for my dear son, Michael, who is serving in the Spirit world fighting spiritual battles (most often MORE dangerous then the physical ones) to save me, his brothers, and those who are assigned to him.
Today I visited his little body's resting place, near the Manti Temple, and cried a bit for him while I felt him as I placed a pinwheel and balloons for him. (Balloons from Alex)
I also stopped in and visited the family (Natalie and Dan) who live in my previous home, there in Manti. We had such a great time talking and reminiscing! They have continued the remodeling and it looks so great! They are even replacing the big wrap around porch out front. They say it is taking them months to find a contractor who wants to do it. They told me that they TOO have a baby named Michael who died as a baby, who is buried in the Manti cemetery...who was born and died prematurely...huh. 🤔🤔🤔
HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! ...to my dear Heavenly son,
Michael Aaron Holler, who would have been 22 today!!! I am so grateful that you were born of me and put into my life as a blessing and avenue of HOPE!!
~You chose to serve your family and loved ones (mostly your 5 brothers) from the unseen, larger, and sometimes more dangerous Spiritual Dimension which exists right around us.
**We especially THANK YOU and think of you tenderly this day with all our hearts, for your love, constant protection, and sacrifice.
We look forward to Thanking you "in person" someday very soon when we are in 'your' dimension!
We LOVE you Michael !!! ♥ ♥ ♥
These are the last of the Funeral pictures. Both Bernd and I spoke about our son Michael Aaron to our family and friends in closing.
I bore my testimony of the immense LOVE I had for this special baby that I was not going to be able to raise physically and how I knew he was in Heaven doing a special mission.
I spoke of how I knew that I would someday see him again, when I go to Heaven too. When I spoke these words, the Holy Ghost bore witness to the truth of this, and filled my body, and soul, with a beautiful indescribable warmth and comfort which made my tears begin to flow.
Of course, during all this, my gratitude for my small children Austin and Jordan grew deeper after seeing that my son Michael would not be physically with us to kiss, hug and raise.
Me, with Austin, Jordan and David's dog Cindy, at Grammy's in Provo, UT.
This is more of Michael's farewell. There are some really nice photos of family and my children.
That day I hung on tight to my baby Jordan. Although he was almost 1 1/2 he really felt so much like a baby still. I was was grateful for that.
As you see below, my mother sat next to me and my boys, and then Bernds mom next to her. I see my sister Michelle and Corey were there too.
It was so nice to see family being so kind, generous and working together during this time of mourning. Yet, I did notice that while family and friends thought that I was suffering terribly, I noticed that the Spirit of God and Michael were so close that I felt like I was being carried on a chariot of clouds or intense feelings of incredible LOVE, over that entire week. It really is hard to explain...yet I felt closer to Heaven than I ever had and I was grateful for this amazing trial...even if it did bring sadness sometimes during selfish reflection.
Overall, I am grateful for this trial that brought me tremendous growth and compassion for others. ♥
Here we are burying our 3rd baby boy, Michael Aaron Holler shortly after he was born and died. 3 days later, to be exact.
The beautiful Manti Cemetery was just a few blocks from our Manti home and just below the hill of the gorgeous LDS Manti Temple.
Lots of family and friends came to support us and Michael, but not all family, came which was just fine.. The ones who mattered... were there. Again Ken Olson took lots of pictures and gave them to us later. He was a true and good friend of ours. We were happy that it was such a nice and beautiful Spring day.
After Michael had received his body and went back to the Spirit World to start his mission we lovingly placed his body in a homemade Oak coffin made for us by our midwifes husband, Glen. Our other good friend, Sandy, donated her old wedding dress to be used as the beautiful lining in the box. At this time, although we did not go to Church any longer...we were trying our best to keep the Gospel of Christ in our lives and home.
We called the old Mortuary man, over the phone, and asked if we could have Michael's body a few hours before the funeral, so we could dress him in the white outfit I had made for him in High School. He got so angry that he told me..."Come pick him up right NOW!". I was shocked. So, they gave him back to us after one night in the morgue.... and he was only in a thin white blanket in their fridge. I was thinking maybe Michael didn't like that so much. Anyway, we brought him home again to our Manti home, and got him all dressed and tenderly laid him in this beautiful box on the night before his funeral. Here are some pics of us praying over him, giving him his name and blessing, and saying our goodbyes before Tuesdays funeral in the morning.
You also see Michael's footprint in the plaster plate, below... for our keeping a remembrance of how his tiny foot print was so small and perfect.
Here you see cute little Austin and Jordan saying goodbye to their younger brother Michael in the morning before we took his sweet little baby body in his box over to the funeral at the Manti, Utah cemetery under the LDS temple hill. A beautiful cemetery! Austin and Jordan were dressed in their Sunday best clothes for the ceremony that day.
There are few words that can describe the incredible Spiritual experience that happened that day.
Those in attendance were 'supposed to be' there.
God and his angels were in the room...it felt packed with beings from both worlds. The energy of love was so intense and sweet.
Those who are heartless, will never understand.
(a big thank you to Ken Olson, who took these pics that day)
Below you still see some neat pics of my brother Davids missionary farewell party at Grammys house in Provo, Utah. Unlike the last pic, this time everyone turned around to smile.
(from left to right) I think it is Brads mother-in-law, Bernd, David (the star with the tie), then my brother Brad, ? behind him, Uncle Rich eating, my moms head peaking behind Susy's, oh and in front there is Erika sitting and my sister Susanne sitting, then my brother Jon at the sink, someones baby at the baby seat. There are lots of more people in the kitchen who I am unable to detect.
Below this is a cute pic of my adorable baby Jordan Taylor playing with a toy phone. Next to him is his cousin Brandon, Brad and Erika's first baby. He is the one that just got married this summer! Next to them must be my younger cousin keeping them entertained....
Above here you see Jordan again, this time back at home in our kitchen high chair. He is looking so adorable, I had to take a picture. He is eating his cereal. As you see, we have our poster of the Alphabet behind him, since Austin was learning his letters!
Below, is the back side of page 45.
This pic of Jordan below is when I caught him smiling. He was still such a small baby to me.
Over the past week, through a series of High Tech ultra sounds I had learned that my baby Micheal was not fully developed. That he had tumors in his kidneys, an underveloped brain and heart. It was as though he STOPPED developing all of a sudden at 4 months term, said the Dr.'s. The same month that Bernd and I had been excommunicated from the LDS Church. Michael was going to die either before birth, or after birth we were told. I had spent a few days crying and then spent the rest of the time working on his funeral, his name, and other preparations.
I had prayed diligently to know his name and felt that Micheal, meaning Who is like God? Gift from God would be fitting. I had prayed as to whether or not to induce his birth, since I was growing too big with water weight due to my body holding a sick baby was trying to buffer the problems. Many of my friends thought that it would be abortion if we tried to induce his birth...however after much prayer, God started my labor one month early from Michaels expected due date (one week after learning of his problems) and we were extremely grateful that God, nature, was doing its job and deciding for us what was best for me and the baby.
In these pics below, you see me, Austin, and Jordan in front of our remodeled fireplace. I see on top of this mantel is my favorite mother and son plate, picture of the LDS Temple, and with cute pics of my children etc....
The above picture is of Bernd with Jordan. Jordan was trying on daddy's boots. He looked so cute and funny that I took a picture of him being adorable!
The pic below is of me finally in the hospital in labor pains ready to deliver my sweet Michael. We weren't sure if he would come out alive or dead.
I had gone in around 12am (midnight) and had spent the night here in this first room. As you can see, here at 7am my two midwives had come in to check on me. Karen Everitt, standing, and Karen her assistant midwife, sitting. I was still laboring slowly, so Karen asked the Dr. to break my water to speed things up. A LOT of water came gushing out since I was mostly water weight. This did indeed speed my labor up and they moved me to another room in the hospital near an outside window. Although I was at the hospital because of the unfairness of the pregnancy and birth, the Dr. (Anderson) was more than OK to go against procedure and allow my midwifes to be the ones in charge of my delicate situation of delivering a baby that we all knew would not live past having his umbilical cord, keeping him alive, cut. If he would live past the delivery. Karen Everitt had had a stillborn baby herself many years ago and she had A LOT of compassion for me and my emotional and physical pain. She was a 'God-send' during a heartfelt situation.
This Memorial Day we remember those who fought to make us FREE.
I am eternally grateful.
However, we also remember this day my sweet son, Michael, who is peacefully resting in the lovely cemetery beneath the beautiful LDS Temple in Manti, Utah (where Jacob and Andrew were born also)
These flowers are for him ♥
Many times I think about my son Michael (who is in the Spirit world around us) and how he watches over his brothers and protects them from many harms that are or were about to happen to them. He is a good boy. I am sure he is frustrated (disappointed) that things did not go more right for him and our family, but I am thankful for God's forgiveness and plans to help us weak human beings regardless of our mistakes.
Michael has other things he's doing also, of course, yet he has a big mission to watch over his brothers, Austin, Jordan, Jacob, Andrew, and Alexander. I hope Michaels brothers are helping make his job easier by being good.
However, my boys have gone against God's will in their lives, in return of their fear of their dad Bernd. Sad, but true. I just hope God will have mercy on them regardless.
I am eternally grateful for Michaels love and devotion to them and hope they know of him and his care and reality in their lives.
This morning I thought about Bernd Hollers brother who died, and wondered if he too does the same for his brother Bernd?
I wonder if his mission was to watch over Bernd, or what he is doing in the Spiritual world.
I wonder if Bernd ever remembers his younger brother....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! ...
to my dear Heavenly son,
Michael Aaron Holler, who would have been 20 today!!!
He chose to serve his family and loved ones (mostly his 5 brothers) from the (mostly unseen) larger and sometimes more dangerous Spiritual Dimension which exists right around us.
We especially THANK and think of him tenderly this day with all our hearts, for his love, constant protection, and sacrifice.
We look forward to Thanking him "in person" someday very soon! Time flies!
We LOVE you Michael !!! ♥ ♥ ♥
I often pray that my children have the opportunity to examine the 'other half' of who they ARE !! Link below
~Mother of 6 Handsome Sons.
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