Merry Christmas, Sons!
Why? Because at this time...no matter how 'atheist' you tell yourself you are...you come from a long line of ancestors who KNOW and LOVE the real Christ!
Even Leni Holler had a great love for her savior Jesus Christ and often had a painting of him hanging on her wall in her home and attended Church with her friends for many years of her life.
Yes, the Hollers and the Hatch's love the Savior Jesus Christ and KNOW that he is real and loves us deeply! Even if you fall away from WHO you really are for a short time...you can't deny your bloodline!
You too can easily have His Spirit with you, by inviting this REAL power into your lives and hearts NOT ONLY on Christmas when the whole world tries to do it for a few weeks...but EVERYDAY...as a constant companion to guide you through this perilous life.
By being baptized, Austin, Jordan, Jacob, and Alexander, as most of you have been (with real priesthood power) you already promised to invite the Holy Ghost as your constant companion...sometimes you just need to be reminded that this 'special privilege' is yours ALREADY!
Your brother Alexander is doing this for a year now, and finding the greatest JOY and PEACE and LOVE he has ever felt in his entire life! He tells us this EVERY week!! WHY can't you??
He is beginning to express every week HOW MUCH he is finding incredible JOY in his short life of 'service', so far.
It is NOT limited to ONLY him...this could be yours...if you ONLY believed in yourself and REMEMBER.
I have even, as I have every year, had the great hope that just ONE of you will give me your address, or a PO Box... so that I can send you a big box of lovely Christmas (OR Birthday) items, full of love, so as to show you that I care, since none of you will allow me to physically or emotionally show you how much a deeply care without fearing the backlash. I'm so sorry :(
People are MORE important than things...but if this is ALL you will accept in your lives...I guess it is better than nothing. Right?
I know you can't think like a parent yet...but could you love yourself enough to find respect for others?
These small tokens from your real heartfelt parent are always bought or kept here at home, instead, every year, even when you refuse them.
They're YOURS, even if you don't believe it.
I can't guarantee that I am the perfect parent...NO ONE can...but I do try my best with my VERY limited resources to be the BEST mom and daughter of God that I can.
I know I fall short. I see many other mothers MUCH more bold, brave, blessed and beautiful than me. I'm sorry sons, that I fall short!!
This year, since I 'thought' that some of you were actually were maturing and forgiving...I even already have bought EACH ONE OF YOU, a big box of Holiday goodies and they are all here waiting to be mailed ASAP...but alas, some of you insisted that the one avenue I had to send things to you cut off that contact too.
One or more of you made sure that I don't even have ONE address to send you YOUR amazing gifts! I understand you've all moved to new locations.
Yes, it is sad for me...but really YOU are the ones growing and deserving of kind gestures, which you still refuse!
(sure you can tell yourself that you DON'T need anything...but can you really tell yourself or others that your lack of Respect to your caring and loving biological Mother, makes you such an awesome, good and/or cool young man? think about this for a few minutes...let that sink in....)
Let's see HOW many of your true friends and close relationships you have today, 'actually and honestly' "Respect" YOU for being that way to your humble, and loving biological mother who is just asking for a chance to be in your lives.
Ask your dad Bernd Holler how far in life this attitude got him!
This IS the time of year to actually (A CHANCE for people like all of us), to actually search our hearts (if they haven't already turned to ice and bitter) and find LOVE there.
Love and forgiveness!
Love that you can share to others, not just those you owe your lives to. Others who are a part of your lives...and I'm sorry....that includes me...no matter WHAT you tell yourselves....trust me you did NOT give birth to and raise yourselves alone!!
You didn't NOT come out of thin air.
Some of you have said ..."we have LOVE in our hearts...just NOT for you Lisa!"
Really....do you really think that is how LOVE works??
Little do you know, I am NOT 'Lisa' to you. You do NOT change anything by calling me "Lisa" other than lowering YOURSELVES.
I never will be Lisa to you.
Spiritually I may be 'your sister' and that I can accept, but I will never 'NOT' be your mother, for the simple fact that I gave birth to 'you' and raised you, not the other way around.
You can NOT go back in time and change it.
You are welcome to call me mom, or Mrs. Acosta, but I believe and know that I will always be your 'Mother' ...even if you lived to be 912.
Don't you know that to love one and hate another is a LIE?
It can't be done.
If you can NOT even LOVE the mother who gave you birth, was an awesome mother, who makes mistakes in your eyes...
who brought YOU into this world,
who you are half her DNA, and who sacrificed so much of her life to make you WHO you are TODAY...
then you LOVE NO ONE!!! Not even yourself!!!
Trust me, it is a physical, mental and spiritual impossibility to have real love in your heart and then NOT to love ALL.
This time of year gives you the chance to FORGIVE others because you DO NOT know their ways, abilities, or reasons why they did or said the things they did or do.
How can you? if you are MUCH younger and haven't lived life as much as or as long as many others?
EVEN if you think or feel you do...this is the opportunity to look beyond that and forgive them AND actually YOURSELF.
With everyone doing this around you now ...this is the time of year when great PEACE is felt and experienced.
Why NOT you?
What an incredible opportunity!!!
Again, I am not perfect in my choices and understandings...and either are you!
When you finally understand this...LOVE can come pouring into your hearts! Even for parents who make mistakes.
You may not see it now...but even your dad, Bernd has made HUGE mistakes that have damning eternal consequences. Pray for him.
and remember that THE greatest gift of all was what 'Christ' gave us.....
not only opening the door to get us out of 'Spiritual Death'
(which you don't even understand right now)
but he taught us, you, Austin, Andrew, Jordan, Alex, and Jacob a way to move beyond the damnation YOU (we) put OURSELVES in!
How can inviting PURE LOVE into your lives be anything but a blessing?
Oh and BTW, This is NOT religious teachings... for all of you who think you are 'atheist' !!
These are just cold, hard, eternal facts! ( I did not invent them)
Take away ALL religion on the Planet and these facts will still exist. Think about that for a moment.
That is why many of you Hollers refuse to study this...because you are AFRAID to find out that it is TRUE!!
Then, you would be held accountable to live up to what you KNOW! eh, you still are, even if you refuse to acknowledge these truths.
Trust me..the blessings FAR outweigh the small amount of persecution you 'might' receive for being a GOOD PERSON!!
(Like some of you have said or thought..."Who wants to be a good person anyway? Look what it got my mom. It is sooooo overrated" lol) just a little humor.
At this time of closing this letter and the 2018 year full of fun and memorable Holidays...
I pray and have always prayed, that you will find LOVE, PEACE and CHRIST (pure love ♥) in these 'Holy' Days. (holidays).
You Holler boys are so smart and intellectual....don't let that intelligence, pride, (or ego) trip you up, so much so, that you can NOT find your Spiritual intelligence and light of Christ within, which goes on for Eternity...
NOT just these few short years on this planet!!
"Merry Christmas" to all of you, my dearly held sons.
I am so sorry that I can't express this warm feeling in person, but inadequately on paper/screen. Please do something to change this?
I love you (and your dad) very much. Much to your surprise or lack to understand. No matter what you may believe.
(The way GOD loves you and him! with no guile. This has always been the case, from the moment I met him and no matter how mad I have been at him and you for doing the deceitful and wicked things to a good and loving mother. Even when he (or you do through his encouragement) did or do intentionally hurt me and my precious relationship with my sons or all of you spiritually!)
I tell you this because during these Holidays its time to dwell on the positive of what we do have,...FORGIVE, as I have done!
I know it is NOT easy, but it IS possible JORDAN, Jacob, Austin, Andrew, and Alex.
And remember these special weeks ahead, and always, that you don't have to 'start' a relationship with me like so many of you believe!
I have always been here! I NEVER left. Remind yourself of this and SEE how true it really is.
Again, just the FACT that I gaven birth and life to you means there IS and ALWAYS WILL BE a relationship there no matter how rich or poor that relationship is. That is determined by YOU.
These FACTS are eternal.
Love, forever, your mother, Mom ♥
For many years....14 to be exact....my children have been unable to receive MOST of their gifts from their loving mother, me. These Christmas's, birthday's, etc. are not allowed by their father to reach them. A few have slipped in, from time to time, but the majority of them, not. This is a sad affair.
Oh I've tried! However, because they come from 'ME', my ex will not allow my sons to know and feel how deeply LOVED they are by someone who thinks about them, cares about them, and really eternally loves them from the depths of her soul.
However, now that they are adults, it is NOW their choice to receive these blessings...if they so desire.
Not so much 'FROM me', but from the Universe who wants to bless them. When I am inspired...I act upon this.
Then it is up to them.
They are now free to accept or reject them. It makes their father pleased to see them 'reject' them (me in their eyes) and to see them carry on his bitter, and callous heart.
If only they knew that they were NEVER rejected or disrespected. Not even their father, Bernd. Only his worldly ways, his worldly goals and the demons he entertained(s).
Goals should be 'eternal', not worldly. They, personally, have always been loved. If only they knew.
They refuse to believe that GOD, the Universe, their Spiritual relatives like Oma and Opa Holler, Oma and Opa Smith and the many Hatch ancestors really DO exist, and watch over them, and WANT to bless them. Even their brother Michael !
Please, Pray that at this special time of year...they will Let Go of their fears and KNOW that they are LOVED!!
Gift Cards make nice gifts for children that you just do not know what to buy for them.
When it comes to the Holler boys, I never know what to send them for their birthdays or Christmas. So, gift cards are a good and no brainer gift, if you know what stores they like to go to.
I know their dad loved taking them to Starbucks cafe when they were little, so I figured that 'Starbucks gift cards' would be a winner with all of them.
So, as you see above, here are the 4 Starbucks gift cards all tucked away into personal Christmas greeting cards for each one of my sons.
(Alex had all his gifts with him once he got to Argentina)
I sent these to Colorado last week, and I understand that each of my 4 sons got their card, and gift inside.
I hope they liked it.
I wish I could give them more, but maybe I just have to wait until they all come home and we can celebrate the Holidays together.
Until next year, I pray that they will enjoy their little treat from Mom and family.
As you gather for parties, gift giving, and family memories, please remember the Real meaning of Christmas.
Even if you do not know much about this... or even if you do not believe, pray for the desire to believe...
then listen to this beautiful video, told by a little girl, for a heart warming message. ♥ ♥ ♥
Although we were apart for many years of your life and to this day I am still praying we'll be a bigger part of each others lives more...I feel the same way as this man does.
I want for you Austin Spencer
I want for you Jordan Taylor
I want for you Christian Jacob
I want for you Andrew Sterling
I want for you Alexander Gabriel
I want for you Michael Aaron
This past Christmas (2-3 weeks ago) Alex sent 4 big boxes FULL of treats, goodies, and Christmas fun items... to all his brothers.
Our good friends mailed them for us. THANK YOU!!
One to Austin at Copper Ln. and one to Jacob at Copper Ln. also, in Colorado.
One super BIG box to Andrew at Wardall, on Campus in Illinois.
One to Jordan on Springfield Ave. in Illinois as well.
All of these boxes (delievered by UPS) said that they were left at the porch or door.
We hope that they all enjoyed the many, many goodies, candy and Christmas treats just for them.
Below is a picture of the last two boxes that were delieved at Christmas time for the Holler boys. The first two were similar, but a bit bigger!
Happy New Year 2017!!!
Its been a harsh and difficult life for me, however I am thankful for the good times in life, such as having had the experience of knowing you, in the past.
I'd like it, very much, that we all got together in the near future, at least just for a visit, possibly for a week or two. It would be nice for a visit, either way.
Love you guys, miss you all. I hope you are having a Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year.
Click here; Sled Race (jibjab video)
These words express the exact feelings in my heart for my alienated sons, on this very special day.....and actually every Christmas.
If only they could visit here and learn this.
Please watch, listen ..... and feel ♥
Have a wonderful Christmas Eve party with family and friends.
Click here, "Beginning to look like Christmas!" jibjab video
Merry Christmas 1995! . . .
On this page, we see Jordan and Austin enjoying Christmas 1995. They were opening presents and being very cute.
My personal camera took OK pictures...but left most of my subjects with 'red eye' syndrome. (Ha Ha) Regardless, I ALWAYS made doubles or triple copies of my photos being processed at Walmart. They always offered doubles and triples to which I would order every time, so that I could send one copy to family and keep the other two at home. One in a box and one for my album I would make.
(Thank goodness I did this, because when it came to my divorce, years later, Bernd got all the photos in boxes that were the doubles. We split ALL photos! He got half, I got half.
* Unfortunately we were unable to split the videos tapes, so he took MOST of them and I was lucky to find a one or two in the storage unit we had, when Bernd had kept almost EVERYTHING we owned, when we split up. I had forgotten about videos)
I am thankful that I am able to at least share these few photos I have, here with you, my family and friends.
I am just sad that I do NOT have my video tapes of my children. We took LOTS of them over the years....but I don't ever get to see them. (Maybe one day, my children will finally share some??)
....and A Happy New Year!!
~Mother of 6 Handsome Sons.
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