We hope and pray that you and your family will be blessed with much love and success ♥
Love, the Acosta family~ Rudy, Lisa and Alex
I was reflecting on my life quite a bit the days and weeks after baby Michael died. I had expressed my feelings of needing to have some time for myself away from my husband, Bernd. To be able to think and pray about our marriage and understand deeper things. (I had heard that this was common in couples who had just lost a baby, so I knew I was not being cruel, by requesting this soul searching.)
I needed to search my soul....without his constant need of controlling and domineering my mind, of all I thought and felt. I tried my best to gently and kindly express my great need for this.
However, he did not agree and quickly decided that the way to get me to forget those thoughts and feelings was to go on a lavish trip to Hawaii for a much needed break from Spiritual things.
He knew I LOVED Hawaii since I had spent time there as a little girl when I was 12 years old and would not be able to resist this tempting offer. Especially since my days were full of raising two beautiful active little boys.
Yes, this amazing trip really helped a lot, physically. I really enjoyed it and was extremely grateful for these blessings (please don't get me wrong)
As you see below, my husband had book lots of excursions for us. Yes, I was very thankful....but sad too. Being very young, I didn't understand all the 'whys'. However, I was always extremely grateful for all that I was given and received. Even things I didn't understand....knowing that one day I would understand eventually... or after a life of maturity.
Here is another nice picture of my adorable small boys Austin and Jordan. They were looking so clean and cute at Grammy Hatch's house that I just had to get a nice photo of them sitting on her retaining wall at her Provo home. So, I took this photo of them. I love and cherish them so much.
The trip to Maui, Hawaii, was a much needed vacation after such an unexpected trial. When I would look into the deep blue ocean, this amazing rich color reminded me of the color of Michael's blue eyes and made me fall in love with these inky blue waters, off the coast of Maui.
This also made me sad, that I would be unable to lovingly gaze into my sons amazing blue eyes, during this lifetime.
These are the last of the Funeral pictures. Both Bernd and I spoke about our son Michael Aaron to our family and friends in closing.
I bore my testimony of the immense LOVE I had for this special baby that I was not going to be able to raise physically and how I knew he was in Heaven doing a special mission.
I spoke of how I knew that I would someday see him again, when I go to Heaven too. When I spoke these words, the Holy Ghost bore witness to the truth of this, and filled my body, and soul, with a beautiful indescribable warmth and comfort which made my tears begin to flow.
Of course, during all this, my gratitude for my small children Austin and Jordan grew deeper after seeing that my son Michael would not be physically with us to kiss, hug and raise.
Me, with Austin, Jordan and David's dog Cindy, at Grammy's in Provo, UT.
Want to touch the Spirit of Love and Christmas? Listen and..... feel ♥
This is more of Michael's farewell. There are some really nice photos of family and my children.
That day I hung on tight to my baby Jordan. Although he was almost 1 1/2 he really felt so much like a baby still. I was was grateful for that.
As you see below, my mother sat next to me and my boys, and then Bernds mom next to her. I see my sister Michelle and Corey were there too.
It was so nice to see family being so kind, generous and working together during this time of mourning. Yet, I did notice that while family and friends thought that I was suffering terribly, I noticed that the Spirit of God and Michael were so close that I felt like I was being carried on a chariot of clouds or intense feelings of incredible LOVE, over that entire week. It really is hard to explain...yet I felt closer to Heaven than I ever had and I was grateful for this amazing trial...even if it did bring sadness sometimes during selfish reflection.
Overall, I am grateful for this trial that brought me tremendous growth and compassion for others. ♥
Although my pretty niece Elizabeth had been previously engaged, it was eventually called off....and never happened.
She went back to college at BYU for several more years and now fell in love with Jaron Beckwith.
He just asked her to marry him, so she is engaged again to be married, folks!
It looks like she will be the 2nd one to marry this time, of my mom's side of our family, since Brandon Hatch was the 1st one. (I often wonder what happen to my Austin and Lindsey??)
We are both happy and excited for these two, and their families!! ♥ ♥
Here we are burying our 3rd baby boy, Michael Aaron Holler shortly after he was born and died. 3 days later, to be exact.
The beautiful Manti Cemetery was just a few blocks from our Manti home and just below the hill of the gorgeous LDS Manti Temple.
Lots of family and friends came to support us and Michael, but not all family, came which was just fine.. The ones who mattered... were there. Again Ken Olson took lots of pictures and gave them to us later. He was a true and good friend of ours. We were happy that it was such a nice and beautiful Spring day.
After Michael had received his body and went back to the Spirit World to start his mission we lovingly placed his body in a homemade Oak coffin made for us by our midwifes husband, Glen. Our other good friend, Sandy, donated her old wedding dress to be used as the beautiful lining in the box. At this time, although we did not go to Church any longer...we were trying our best to keep the Gospel of Christ in our lives and home.
We called the old Mortuary man, over the phone, and asked if we could have Michael's body a few hours before the funeral, so we could dress him in the white outfit I had made for him in High School. He got so angry that he told me..."Come pick him up right NOW!". I was shocked. So, they gave him back to us after one night in the morgue.... and he was only in a thin white blanket in their fridge. I was thinking maybe Michael didn't like that so much. Anyway, we brought him home again to our Manti home, and got him all dressed and tenderly laid him in this beautiful box on the night before his funeral. Here are some pics of us praying over him, giving him his name and blessing, and saying our goodbyes before Tuesdays funeral in the morning.
You also see Michael's footprint in the plaster plate, below... for our keeping a remembrance of how his tiny foot print was so small and perfect.
Here you see cute little Austin and Jordan saying goodbye to their younger brother Michael in the morning before we took his sweet little baby body in his box over to the funeral at the Manti, Utah cemetery under the LDS temple hill. A beautiful cemetery! Austin and Jordan were dressed in their Sunday best clothes for the ceremony that day.
~Mother of 6 Handsome Sons.
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